Wednesday, June 15, 2011

The Path Less Traveled

Our adoption ticker says 9 months, 1 week and 5 days. I guess that could mean that if we were to be able to have a baby the traditional way, we might be nearing the end or already holding our baby in our arms by now. But we are not nearing the end and are arms are still empty. As we wait, I'm reminded of all of the differences we experience on our pathway towards a family, as opposed to someone who doesn't have infertility and is able create their family through pregnancy. Some of these differences can only be understood by someone who has gone through adoption, others are more obvious. Check out my list of differences that we've experienced; sorry if it sounds like I'm negative but sometimes you need to vent these things and I don't really ever talk about this with anyone. Has anyone ever noticed these or thought of other things that I haven't listed?

- Lack of adoption books and magazines at the bookstore: I want to look at magazines and get excited about planning the baby's room, looking at baby stuff, and learn about being a new parent....but I don't really want to read about all of the body changes that occur during pregnancy, the maternity clothes, etc. Barf!

- The "Expectant Mother" space at the grocery store or mall. I'm an expecting mother! I realize I'm not carrying an extra 40 pounds because I'm "not really pregnant", but why do I have to be reminded of this every time I grocery shop!

- Lack of Adoption Cards at greeting card stores. There's an entire section/aisle devoted to baby showers, new pregnancy, and new baby. To date I have found one card for adoption!

- Baby Showers - This is kind of on the fence for some adopting parents. Bryan and I have decided against this before we have placement. As you can see we have enough reminders on a daily basis that we don't have a baby yet; we don't need to come home to an empty baby's room filled with toys, crib, and baby clothes on top of that.

- Baby Registry - Speaking of showers, we can't even register yet because we need to put a "due date" on the registry. So it's not like we can get excited about baby by registering for some goodies now. We have to wait until we are actually matched.

- Websites - The Bump, Baby Center, etc. all are geared towards women who can get pregnant and create their family by that method. I get most of my info from blogs....that God for them!

- Movies and TV shows depicting Adoption incorrectly:
- Glee: Idina Menzel basically saunters into the hospital like she's on a Sunday stroll and points to a baby and says, "I'll take that one". Ok, maybe not quite that, but it was ridiculous.
- Lifetime: Always shows a birth mother plotting to kidnap their baby at the playground or something crazy like this. In reality, birthmothers are amazing and are nothing like that.
- The Orphan: Do I need to even comment on this movie?

This is just what I can think of at the top of my head. I know there is so much more. Our pathway to have a little baby is so amazing, but also so overwhelming at times. But, like my sister always says, "you are closer to having a baby today than you were yesterday". are right my sis!


  1. I can only imagine how much of an emotional rollercoaster the adoption process is. The constant reminders you describe are some things that I never thought about. I'm surprised that there are such a lack of books. Ever consider writing one about your experience? Ever think about creating an online newsletter for those people who are waiting and going through the process? You are correct that TV/movies do a poor job of depicting positive images of people wanting to adopt or the adopted children. Both are often portrayed as whacked out people who are probably in need of institutionalization. (is that even a word?) I know you &Brian will be fantastic parents and I can't wait to hear the news that you've brought home your highly anticipated bundle of joy! There will be many ups and some downs through the process, but it's ok to vent. I am honored to be able to share in your journey through your blog. Hope you know you have a willing ear if you're having a particularly rough moment. :-)

  2. Yes Sarah, you and Bryan WILL be awesome parents one day, hopefully soon. I too cant wait to hear news of a match. I wish I could be back in my old spot to chat with you, even if for a few minutes throughout the week. Just know that you two are always in my prayers. Vent on my dear!!!

    Love & Blessings,

  3. I love you sis (and bro-in-law)! I can't wait to one day meet my niece or nephew - and that day will be beautiful. You guys are 2 of the strongest people I know, and I am so proud of your positive attitudes (even though you need an occasional venting session), strength, hope and love that you carry through this process. Make sure you lean on all your family and friends that are there for you through your journey, we all wish the very best for you both. Love you lots Bryan and Sarah!

  4. Well said, Sarah. I definitely can't empathize with everything you're going through in the adoption process, but I do get the endless frustration of wanting something so badly that so many seem to accomplish without an ounce of thought (and without spending a dollar!). Struggling with fertility issues for nearly 2 years has definitely changed me as a person - I don't think I'll ever be able to have a "fertile mindset" - pregnancy announcements will always sting, and thoughtless comments will always drive me insane. *sigh*

    However, Steph is right - you ARE one day closer to your baby today than you were yesterday. Praying that you and Bryan get your placement SOON!!!