Time...Clocks....Calendars

The Waiting Game....part of adoption that most every adopting couple can commiserate with. "I can't imagine what that would be like." A statement I've heard from various people. It's really hard to explain what it's like. Some days are good...some days aren't so good. Though, a response like that is vague and doesn't really grasp what it's like. I contemplated how to explain the feelings associated with "waiting" and am going to go ahead and try to explain....at least from my point of view.

Imagine a clock and a calendar...sitting side by side. You'll notice that the clock is missing numbers; the calendar is missing days. Then, as if a cell replicating, the clock becomes two...the calendar as well. Except this time, one calendar is full and one clock is spinning. The other calendar is completely empty, the other clock is stopped.

I signify the full calendar and the spinning clock as one part of our lives. This calendar is full of work schedules, the gym, household chores, cooking, and spending time with friends.

The empty calendar and stopped clock signify the part of our lives that is uncertain, unknown, waiting to be filled.

Now imagine juggling the full calendar and the empty calendar. The full calendar keeps your mind off of the empty calendar....but then something triggers the empty calendar to fall....a young couple with a stroller, another holiday with the absence of a child's joyful squeals on Christmas morning, another birthday passed without being called mom or dad, the sound of a child's laughter. Suddenly, the only thing in your hands is the empty calendar and it seems that your full calendar exists without you...circling around you.....life is suddenly happening to everyone else but you.

This sometimes happens, where both the empty calendar and the full calendar are separated. But most of the time, the juggling subsides and we are able to exist in one calendar, one clock. But, like in the calendar and clock above, you'll notice that our calendar has some numbers that are missing. We continue our lives as it has always been....but something is missing in our lives...and we wait for it to be filled.